Inner Saboteurs

A friendly PSA reminder that it’s ok (and that you should) love your body exactly how it is right this minute. You may want to change certain things about your body, become stronger, become healthier, lose fat, gain muscle, and all that is fine, but you still can and should love your body as it is right now. It’s about treating ourselves well and stopping the negative self-talk so that we can make the changes we want, accepting our biological realities in the process.

Most of us wouldn’t dream of speaking to another human being in the way we sometimes talk to ourselves. But we have no problem routinely addressing ourselves in a disrespectful, even demeaning, way. Those voices make weight loss, or any kind of change, difficult or even unbearable.

Where do they come from, these critical, demeaning voices? Mostly, they’re the collective, cruel voices of our past that we’ve internalized. Over time, we come to believe them as accurate. They’re mighty. And they can set up all kinds of horribly self-sabotaging situations.

Negative self-talk can hamper your best efforts to lose weight, get a job, run three miles, begin a new relationship, and even peacefully move through your day. It does nothing for you. Ain’t nobody got time for that sh*t!

Negative thoughts keep you stuck in the past (one cookie or a fleeting negative thought won’t sabotage your efforts, but rumination will, every time. Trust me on this.)

Most of the time, negative self-talk has nothing to do with what’s going on at the moment, in the present time. Those critical, blaming voices are based almost entirely on past influences that don’t recognize who you are today. Staying in the past also keeps you in a comfortably familiar role, even if it’s a miserable one. Is that true for you? No matter how much you want to change, it’s scary to step out of a familiar pattern and into a new way of being — even if, ultimately, it will bring you joy and peace. Think about that.

Being mean toward yourself increases cortisol

Stress — any kind of stress, be it physical, mental, or emotional — increases cortisol levels, which in turn encourages the storage of fat, especially around the belly. A new study published in the journal NeuroImage found that study participants who engaged in self-criticism showed more brain activity in the regions associated with depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. In other words, mean self-talk makes you eat more and hold on to excess weight. Holding on to self-loathing is like eating rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.

You’ve got to be your own champion, your own best friend. No one else will do it for you. When the nasty little voice in your head is hurling unkind words at you, it’s impossible to trust yourself simultaneously. And trusting yourself is key to any kind of change — especially a positive change in dietary habits and learning how not to diet and how to nourish yourself properly.

Being aware that negative self-talk is a nasty habit is one thing. Stopping it is another issue altogether. The first step is to draw attention to the voice in your head. What is it saying? And whose voice is that anyway? Try this exercise: for one hour every day, become acutely aware of your negative self-talk. You don’t have to confront it right away. Take a step back from the voice, and listen to it with curiosity. Give it lots of space to express, but stay non-committal. For some people, 15 minutes of this practice is plenty.

Once you’ve become painfully aware of your negative self-talk, talk back. If it’s possible for you, talk back out loud. Loud. It’s freeing to holler at the voice that represents the critical people from your past. (Feel free to use foul language if you want, I do!)

Make a pact to give yourself three compliments a day, and after a while, it’ll become a habit that affects your daily mood. And hey, while you’re at it, give three compliments a day to other people to help start a trend that builds self-esteem and promotes a healthy body image. You are all so good at supporting one another here in our community; make sure you turn that support inward.

Negative thoughts are a habit that is hard to break but not impossible. As Albert Einstein said so eloquently, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” So remember that to get to your goal, you need progress, not perfection.

You are here to do great things, to do the hard things, to have adventures, to love your body, and to take care of your people. Don’t let that inner saboteur steal any more time.